A couple of weeks ago I posted a video about the link between joy, authenticity and willpower with willpower being inversely proportional to joy and authenticity. I mentioned I’d be doing some additional posts on the topic and indeed I will but before doing so I felt I wanted to share some of my experiences around the consequences of real decision making.
I recently made a really tough call in my life to move out of London. I do love her so very much but goodness she’s not an easy person to live with (I mean an easy city to live in:-). She’s dynamic, fast paced and vivacious but for me, and I can only speak from my perspective, she required alot of energy and made me realise my priorities in life; family truly does come first.
I moved to London some months back with the hope of settling and making a life for myself. I had a phenomenal job and made friends but internally I just couldn’t settle.
Sharing my decision to leave hasn’t been easy. Indeed the decision itself hasn’t been easy as I’ve had to face feelings of disappointment, heartbreak and failure. I’m not going to delve into those. What I do want to highlight is the lesson I’ve learnt around the consequences of decision making.
I’ve faced some judgement from those who have not agreed with my decision or felt that I wasn’t giving it (life in London) a fair enough chance. This is what I want to highlight today; not everyone will support your decisions and choices in life and that’s okay.
The truth is that if, and here I’m going to touch on my video regarding joy, you’re going to approach your life with authenticity, it’s not going to always be easy. It’ll result, most likely and ultimately in more joy, but it won’t be easy.
Having made the decision has left me with alot more empathy for others. The truth is that we each have to walk our own road and sometimes it isn’t easy to understand the decisions of others but ultimately we have to trust that each person not only knows what’s best for themselves but is also doing the vest best that they can.
If you’re going to be a leader; either of a team or a self directed leader who’s prepared to take ownership of your life, irrespective of the circumstances, you may not always be popular. You’re going to have to take accountability and you may disappoint some people.
This may sound relatively easy in the case of disappointing people you don’t know but what happens if the person if a member of your close circle, family or your spouse? We’re hard wired for living in the herd, or as Brene Brown terms it, we’re hard wired for connection. Disappointment or criticism from others results in feelings of disconnection which is why it’s not the popular choice when it comes to decision making. Often it’s easier and less painful to take the road ‘more travelled’.
So how does this result in more joy?
Given that I’m in the midst of moving, I can’t say entirely but I can share the sense of internal peace I feel at having made the right decision for me which is a joy unto itself. I cannot comment on the outcome of the decision as it may turn out to be a mistake with yet more learnings but for now, based on my values, it feels right. It’s a strange kind of joy; choosing courage over comfort. It’s tough, boy is it tough. I won’t lie. It may be tough but it’s joy-filled judging purely from the sense of internal peace.
I know that some people have voiced their confusion at the difference between happiness and joy so I’ll be sure to delve into this in a future post.
I’d love to hear your stories on tough decisions you’ve faced, so please feel free to comment or share on social.
Wishing you a real, joy filled week!