Why is life hard for me?

    150 150 Lisa Steingold

    In my last blog I wrote about the magic pill called truth and this week I’m going to expand a little more on the concept. Here’s a hard truth; life gets hard because we make it hard. Before you start writing foul mouthed mails to me, let me explain.

    Life gets hard for three reasons;
    1. Because life is trying to show us a part of ourselves we don’t want to see
    2. Because our faulty beliefs are being reflected back to ourselves
    3. Because we’re being forced to make a change

    I’ve had a challenging life in many respects and without delving too deeply into the story I’ve experienced my fair share of loss, betrayal and devastation. This is true for most of us or at least for many.

    Throughout my life, I’ve found the same story playing out in a different scenario. Whilst I’ve been aware of many internal blocks that have prevented me moving forward in many respects of life, it’s only in the last year that I’ve understood the depth to which this has played out and why.

    You see when we have a challenge on the external, we want to change the situation. Rightly and understandably so. We want to move people or jobs or homes or countries and yet of course “wherever you go, there you are”. I tried all of these and when I was unable to implement any more external changes I was forced to examine the internal; the parts of myself I did not want to see and the beliefs that played out internally and that had a concrete and dramatic effect on my life. Things like “I have to take what I can get, I have to say yes, I’m always wrong, I’m not allowed…” and so they flowed out onto three pages worth when I finally lay down to feel the excruciating pain that my life presented me with.

    Ironically how these played out in reality meant that I didn’t ask for what I deserved, I often observed that it was always me who seemed to be wrong in various discussions, I said yes to every event I was asked to even if I didn’t want to go and I didn’t let myself rest for a moment because I wasn’t allowed to, or so I told myself internally. It’s no wonder I was diagnosed with burnout early in 2017.

    You see, these beliefs literally created my reality until I even believed “it would never / could never change”. Such beliefs can even prevent us from seeing various opportunities or even that there may be another way. We don’t even realise that we’re in it. We get upset when others when they reflect these beliefs back to us or when they don’t play our ‘game’; the same game we’re unconsciously aware of. We tell ourselves thousands of lies all the time and we don’t realise it because we pay too much attention to the content of our thoughts and not to questioning the content. We don’t question “why am I thinking this thought?” We go straight into engaging with the content. Often we’re on behavioural autopilot so we just keep doing what we’ve always done and then wonder why we don’t get a different result?

    So what lead me to this epiphany? Well it’s a funny thing really. Of course there was the excruciating pain of my life but once that had passed I realised I felt like I was reliving the movie Groundhog Day over and over and over again. Same s**t, different day. So much so that I began to think about what else could be going on and it was only on a run one day along the beach that I, perhaps for the first time, actually listened to the words of this song “Paper Skies” by Pascal and Pearce.

    paper skies
    are on fire
    as we’re trying to take flight

    it is easy to believe in the many lies
    that we’re burning that were falling through paper skies…

    It’s easy to believe in the many lies. It’s easy to believe in the lies that “reality” feed us everyday. What I’ve found is that reality is more pliable than we think. It’s easy to think “they’ll never understand me” if I tell my boss / my partner, how I really feel. It’s easy to think that we “could never” or that we’ll always be poor because we’ve struggled with money. The minute you think ALWAYS, NEVER, SHOULD… you can pretty much assume your mind has deceived you. Shame poor little mind; it’s trying to prevent you from pain but actually all it does it create pain. Because of such beliefs, you may not try, you may not put yourself out there or you may not do something you’ve always wanted to. The beliefs themselves don’t really matter; it’s their impact on our behaviour and perceptions that have a negative and prolific impact on our lives.

    So next time you feel like you’re starring in Groundhog day or feel frustrated because you’re dealing with a part of your life you can’t see a way out of; question your beliefs and don’t believe in the many lies.

    Life is not fairytales and roses; sometimes it is but sometimes it isn’t. As Lana del Rey says

    “sometimes the road gets tough and I don’t know why.”

    Often we don’t see it at the time but we’re being forced to make a change of some sort. Often we see it only years down the line and that’s okay too because sometimes the wrong roads lead to beautiful destinations.

    So now comes the beautiful part. We get to ask questions. In my experience, the right question is like a spoonful of medicine. It’s a little bitter as per my previous post “there’s no magic pill” but it’s what leads to an appropriate answer, discovery or insight. It’s these that allow us to feel at peace and to change course, if we feel it’s appropriate.

    Until next time!


    Lisa Steingold

    All stories by: Lisa Steingold

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