How to REALLY Get Over Someone

Firstly, if you’re reading this, it must be because you’ve been ghosted or because you’re trying to get over someone. For that, I’m truly sorry. 

It has to be one of the most torturous situations. It’s an inner turmoil that feels insufferable.

Also, my disclaimer for this post is that A) I don’t know your situation, and B) I don’t know you, so take what you want and need from this. 

The first thing I can say is be honest with yourself. Do you need to get over someone because you were afraid of commitment and are running away? 

Or because that person really wasn’t good for you.

I love Mark Manson’s quote on getting over a relationship.

2 Less than ideal ways to get over someone

You know what, these two ways work. They do, but generally, unless you really deal with the heartbreak, you tend to just repeat the same patterns

1. Get together with someone else

What’s the saying Ïf you want to get over someone, the best thing to do is to get under someone else. I don’t know who came up with this, but this is honestly the worst advice there is. 

It’s fun in the moment and for a brief while, you forget that your heart has shattered into a million pieces. 

But then you usually just end up feeling doubly bad, and it could backfire if the ‘new’ person ghosts you. 

Also, whatever you do, don’t lie to yourself. You’re not ready to get into a new relationship so if you are going to go out looking for a good time, be clear about it you yourself and the other person.

2. Distract yourself

Drugs, sex, and rock n roll. Or perhaps work is your drug of choice. In this day and age, it’s the easiest thing in the world to distract yourself. 

No one wants to feel heartbroken but trust me when I say that a good cry or expressing how you really feel will ensure you come out sooner on the other side.

Acknowledge the feelings and trust me when I say you can’t eat them away, work them away or even sleep them away. 

There are plenty of things you can do that will truly make you feel better. Here’s my list. 

5 Steps to REALLY get over someone

Okay, Lisa, so how do you really get over someone? Here are 5 steps

1. Acknowledging you need to get over them

The first thing to do, which, if you’re reading this, you’re already doing, is acknowledge that you need to get over them. 

If you can do that, you’re on the path to healing. 

2. Express how you feel

Don’t you wish you had the last say? If you’ve been ghosted, this is tough because even if you want to say certain things, they won’t be acknowledged. 

Sometimes you’ve got to do these things for yourself. 

My favorite way is to write the person in case a letter. Don’t send it. Just write it. Sleep on it. Usually, when you wake up, or a few days later, you’ve changed the way you see things. And at the very least, you’ve processed some of that built-up emotion. 

3. Let go of toxic behavior

The thing about knowing someone is that you know what they ‘typtically’ do. You know how they seek you out. You know what to do to get attention. 

Just don’t. It’s time to adult.

You have to let that shit go. 

You cannot let go of someone while trying to get their attention. Let that sink in. 

This is where self-awareness will go a long way to helping you move forward.

Notice when you post stuff on social media to get their attention, or want to send them a text or feel tempted to send them their favorite song because you heard it somewhere. 

4. Cut contact

Sometimes you can’t cut contact. Sometimes you work with the person or that person is the parent of your child. 

My advice is cut contact and if you can’t at least limit your exposure.

Haha, I took this to a whole new level when I moved countries to cut contact with someone. I knew that I had to do something drastic in order to save myself. 

I just had to take 1 step forward every day even though it was the toughest thing I’d ever done. I’d play this song to myself to remind myself of the pain I’d been through in the relationship so that I didn’t regress.

It’s crazy when

The thing you love the most is the detriment

Let that sink in

You can think again

When the hand you wanna hold is a weapon, and

You’re nothin’ but skin…

The thing is that our minds are designed to cut out the pain so we keep replaying the times that were great and forget all the pain. 

Try out new activities, take up a sport or even a new skill. This is not the same as distracting yourself; this is a healthy avenue to direct your attention.

You may need support like a therapist (you can contact my sister) or friends, but keep taking 1 step forward every day. 

5. Focus on you

The crappy and greatest thing about a relationship ending is that you get to focus on you. Often, we lose ourselves in relationships. Well, now you can focus on you. 

What do you want?

It’s a big, brave question, and if we’re courageous enough to answer it daily, it can take us to amazing new places. 

What people don’t tell you about moving on from someone?

Moving on from someone you liked or loved isn’t easy. It’s a rollercoaster. Someday you think you’re just fine, other days you don’t know how you can ever live without that person. Let me tell you that you can and you will.

The key is this;

Every relationship brings something. And not all relationships are designed to be forever. 

Instead of becoming bitter and saying you’ll never love again, reflect on what the relationship brought you. What were the gifts and the lessons. Use them! 

The biggest gift of relationships is the mirror they reflect. Who are we, and who do we become through that relationship?

Because more than likely there’ll be another person and if you harness the gifts from your past relationships, you’ll be changing the course of your future relationships forever.

Conclusion 

Trust me when I say that you’ve got this. 

Something I wrote as a reminder on my phone twice a day for a month was “If someone really cares about you, they will show it”. 

And I used this to remind me to move forward. 

You’re human, and it’s natural when you have a bond with someone to want to return to them. 

1 little step every day and one day you’ll realize that you lived a day without heartbreak and that you’re ready to live and enjoy life again.