Life lessons are possibly one of the most painful aspects of being human.
But they can be a real gift if you take the invitation to see them that way.
It’s all about finding your own life truths.
Life isn’t some random experience. If you use it wisely, its a journey which can show you the way to live what’s meaningful for you
What is a Life Lesson?
Just to be SUPER clear, I don’t believe that we are born to learn lessons. I believe our souls come to experience certain things. And for the very short time we are here, it’s our job to learn how to live life in the most meaningful way possible and to the fullest, in whatever that means to each person.
In our minds, a lesson implies something you have to pass or fail. This isn’t about passing or failing – its about taking an experience to inform how you would like to live your life in the future.
And you can’t live life to the fullest if you are carrying a bunch of baggage with you. And by baggage I mean beliefes or situations which do not serve you.
A life lesson is a situation which is often extremely painful but makes you realise something about yourself or the way you have been living.
It’s a learning experience that provides insight into how to navigate life in a morning meaningful way in the future.
Examples of life lessons
- Realizing you keep choosing the same types of romantic partners
- Always being there for others but perhaps not allowing others to be there for you
- Realizing your daily life habits are hurting you or your loved ones
I quite like this list from Omar Itani
What are life lesson themes?
Sometimes we have life themes which direct our life lessons.
Some life themes may include;
- Addiction
- Physical pain
- Health issues (like cancer)
- Abuse
- Failure
- Justice
- Freedom
- Betrayal
- Apathy – and not pursuing your goals
- Power – when you stop at nothing to achieve what you want
- And a million more I haven’t even thought of
The interesting thing is that you will never JUST be working with one side of the coin. For example if power is a theme, you’ll also need to explore your relationship with powerlessness. If failure is a theme, you’ll want to identify your relationship to success. And so it goes.
Just a little something to keep in mind.
Why Life Lessons Hurt
A life lesson hurts because it’s a situation which repeats itself and that you feel that, try as you might, its very difficult to change.
It hurts like crap.
Sometimes as you work with a theme over time it becomes better. For instance, now I don’t have the same challenges with food that I used to have. Quite the contrary, I enjoy my relationship with food. Hence writing the book “Carbs, Curves and Everything in Between“.
7 Ways to Work With Your Life Lessons?
- You identify what theme is playing out
- Look at the situation in its entirety with objectiveness, not judgement
- Feel the feelings – sorry I haven’t found a way to skip this step
- Acknowledge your part in the pattern (if you have one, if not skip to the next point). This includes your defence mechanisms.
- Practice self-compassion and forgiveness
- See what tiny steps you can take to do things differently
- Respond more authentically to the situation.
This is no small thing. And each of us have to find our own way through. It will mean being honest with yourself but be kind, gentle and also accountable to yourself and you will find your way.
Also these steps aren’t linear. Progress might be slow, and that’s okay. Or you may struggle and struggle and then all of a sudden, things shift. The goal isn’t perfection but growth.
Why Working with Your Life Themes Matters
Working with your life themes isn’t just about resolving issues — it’s about transforming your life. By addressing these recurring struggles, you’re creating space for joy, freedom, and fulfilment. And while the journey can feel lonely, know that countless others are navigating their own themes alongside you.
Conclusion
My dear friend, if you are reading this, let me tell you that this too shall pass. If you’re prepared to show up for your journey and do even just a tiny part of the inner work, eventually things shift.
I end with this poem;
“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.”
― Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery
Typically life lessons hurt. It’s an experience that causes pain and allows you to open your perspective in how your would like to do things differently in the future.
Some great examples of life lessons include;
- Take care of your health
- Work is important but it’s not everything
- Life is a journey
- Love yourself as you would have others love you
Therapy of course helps but mostly it’s about developing self awareness.
