Have you ever had a particularly challenging situation and then you tried to change it, except you just found yourself in the same place 6 months down the line? Welcome to life lessons and life themes.
Life lessons are the most painful experiences you can have I reckon but often try as you might to avoid them, they keep coming on back around.
Let me share some of mine;
- Food and overeating challenges – I know you’d never say it looking at me but it’s true.
- Burnout and lack of boundaries
- Relationship challenges—although I suspect there are only a select few on the planet who are privy to not experiencing relationship challenges.
- Anxiety and fear – again you’d never say it but it’s true.
- Money challenges.
So now you understand why I write about the things that I do. For years, I’ve been working on these themes to a greater or lesser degree. I do not compare my situation to others – merely I have worked with these challenges, and that I write about them to share and hopefully help others in the world.
I share this with you because hopefully I can share a little light with you on the way.
What is a Life Lesson?
Just to be SUPER clear, I don’t believe that we are born to learn lessons. I believe our souls come to experience certain things. And for the very short time we are here, it’s our job to learn how to live life to it’s fullest.
And you can’t live life to the fullest if you are carrying a bunch of bullshit around with you. So the best thing, in my opinion, is to face it and get on with the job of living.
And that’s about as theoretical as I want to get because theory generally helps us very little.
Define a life lesson as you will but I think we all agree that they hurt.
What are other life lesson themes?
I’d actually rather call it a life theme, than a lesson. In our minds, a lesson implies something you have to pass or fail.
A life theme however is something you will work with so it negatively impacts you less.
Some life themes may include;
- Addiction
- Physical pain
- Health issues (like cancer)
- Abuse
- Failure
- Justice
- Freedom
- Betrayal
- Apathy – and not pursuing your goals
- Power – when you stop at nothing to achieve what you want
- And a million more I haven’t even thought of
The interesting thing is that you will never JUST be working with one side of the coin. For example if power is a theme, you’ll also need to explore your relationship with powerlessness. If failure is a theme, you’ll want to identify your relationship to success. And so it goes.
Just a little something to keep in mind.
Why Life Lessons Hurt
A life lesson hurts because it’s a situation which repeats itself and that you feel that, try as you might, its very difficult to change.
It hurts like crap.
Sometimes as you work with a theme over time it becomes better. For instance, now I don’t have the same challenges with food that I used to have. Quite the contrary, I enjoy my relationship with food. Hence writing the book “Carbs, Curves and Everything in Between“.
7 Ways to Work With Your Life Lessons?
- You identify what theme is playing out
- Look at the situation in its entirety with objectiveness, not judgement
- Feel the feelings – sorry I haven’t found a way to skip this step
- Acknowledge your part in the pattern (if you have one, if not skip to the next point). This includes your defence mechanisms.
- Practice self-compassion and forgiveness
- See what tiny steps you can take to do things differently
- Respond more authentically to the situation.
This is no small thing. And each of us have to find our own way through. It will mean being honest with yourself but be kind, gentle and also accountable to yourself and you will find your way.
Also these steps aren’t linear. Progress might be slow, and that’s okay. Or you may struggle and struggle and then all of a sudden, things shift. The goal isn’t perfection but growth.
Why Working with Your Life Themes Matters
Working with your life themes isn’t just about resolving issues — it’s about transforming your life. By addressing these recurring struggles, you’re creating space for joy, freedom, and fulfilment. And while the journey can feel lonely, know that countless others are navigating their own themes alongside you.
Conclusion
My dear friend, if you are reading this, let me tell you that this too shall pass. If you’re prepared to show up for your journey and do even just a tiny part of the inner work, eventually things shift.
I end with this poem;
“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.”
― Portia Nelson, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery
