Courage, compassion and commitment
So I know there’s ALOT to deal with right now! I do. The world probably feels like it’s ending, you’re possibly trying to balance a million different tasks, and now Lisa you want to talk issues?!
I do because I think for a good many of us, we’re being asked to face ours for once and for all. We may have to face the fact that we’re not satisfied in our relationships or friendships, or we actually hate our body, or we hated our job which is no longer and now we don’t know what to do, or even just reflect on the mistakes of our past.
For the first time in our lives there are no trips or usual distractions. Sure we’ve probably all spend hours and hours scrolling (myself included) through social media but where has it got us at the end? Probably heated under the collar or sad.
So with zero intention to add to your time constraints, here’s what helps in my experience: ASKING QUESTIONS.
Asking questions must be done with curiosity and interest in order to get the best results, not self loathing; a little dose of courage but also self compassion. Right back to the questions. It’s pretty simple;
What is the issue?
Just naming it helps. What is it, how long has it been an issue for and what are some of the dynamics around the issue. Feel free to express how you really feel here. E.g. I feel …… because …..
How have you tried solving this issue in the past? (IF it’s a longstanding source of pain)
Okay so now we understand what the issue is and have some insight into what hasn’t worked. Most like blaming the other person (or yourself for that matter) hasn’t worked. I’m guessing silence and sucking it up hasn’t worked out either. Take it from me, things that generally don’t work are shouting matches, blame, self hatred, manipulation, silence, being nice but secretly loathing, numbing through alcohol, food, social media, porn and etc.
So what are some of the things that work? Well I do think it depends on the issue but if you don’t want to plough through my or anyone else’s books here’s the long and the short of it;
Take accountability for your part which means seeing how your behaviour helps create or keep the issue in play. For example so many of us say things like “I have no choice” when the truth is we always have a choice. Saying things like this keeps us stuck. In addition blaming someone else but not looking at how we allow that behaviour or how we react to it, disempowers us completely. Some of the greatest and most enlightening self work I’ve ever done is shadow work which is basically looking at the parts of myself, my behaviour and my deepest beliefs I tried to hide underneath the surface. I’ll write a blog on this at some point but for now feel free to Google more. Incentally accountability also means asking yourself what it is you really want? What do you want from this situation? What do you want from life? What is it you want? You’re not here for the ride, you’re here to ride the hell out of the life you want to live!
2. Ask for Help
Yup it’s tough to ask for help, be it from a friend, God or any source of Divinity you believe in, a sleep therapist, a therapist, a nutritionist, a coach, a counsellor, a kinesiologist or even just your spouse. It’s tough! But once we get over the asking, it tends to lift a weight from our shoulders. In my experience it’s true what they say about a problem shared. Even sharing my problems with my friends helps me establish a new perspective. Sometimes they tell me the truth I don’t want to hear and sometimes they commiserate and sometimes they offer a brand new perspective but it ALWAYS helps!
3. Don’t do what didn’t work
If it didn’t work there’s a reason for that and it makes no sense to keep going back and trying the same thing. Learn from the past and move forward. I’m talking about a repeated pattern that didn’t work, not a one time exercise. There’s a difference between trying something and not getting it right the first time and then just doing the same thing day after day. If it didn’t work 10-20 times, why is it going to work now? Case in point, I once had an abusive boss. I tried to talk to her but she just got more maniupulative and demeaning. Eventually I left because I could see that talking to her or HR wasn’t going to work.
Do Something Different
As many of you know I’ve had a magnificent dual career in coaching & behavioural change as well as marketing & branding. In Marketing we have this phrase called “Test and Learn”. In other words, try something and if it doesn’t work, try something different. It’s funny how so often we’re prepared to take that approach with work but not with our deepest challenges. My mentor Dale Fox says we should even practice brushing our teeth with the opposite hand so we get used to trying different things. So often we’re in the habit of doing something, we don’t even notice it’s a habit. Try something, anything new. Try a difficult conversation, take action, quit, post, start, write, let go…. something.
And that’s it! Do this, with courage, compassion and commitment each and every day for the rest of your life. Eat, sleep, repeat. And let me know how it goes. You can check out my post on Insta about this or just check out for now and I’ll see you next time.