Do you know what it means to be an adult? It means you get to make your own decision. But that doesn’t mean other people will always agree. I wanted to share some of my experiences around the consequences of real decision making.
When a Tough Call Feels Right
I recently made a really tough call in my life to move out of London. I do love her so very much but goodness she’s not an easy person to live with (I mean an easy city to live in:-).
London; s dynamic, fast paced and vivacious but for me, and I can only speak from my perspective, she required alot of energy and made me realise my priorities in life; family truly does come first.
I moved to London some months back with the hope of settling and making a life for myself. I had a phenomenal job and made friends but internally I just couldn’t settle.
The Inevitable Judgment
Sharing my decision to leave wasn’t easy. I’ve had to face feelings of disappointment, heartbreak and failure.
“You’ve only been here six months,”
“Everyone feels that way at first, you just need to push through,”
Each response carried its own weight, its own expectation of what I should do, who I should be. The subtext was clear: leaving meant failing, giving up, or worse—admitting a mistake.
I knew in my heart of hearts that I was making the right decision but I still felt terrible.
Turns Out We’re Wired for Group Decision Making
We’re wired to seek validation from others so it’s normal we don’t want people to disagree with us.
“Neuroscience suggests that we are neurologically wired to connect with others; mirror neurons in our brains are stimulated when we’re interacting with other people. Literally, when you are talking to someone, pathways in your brain light up to mirror the emotions and behaviors that this other person is conveying. We are hardwired to interact and connect with others.” PsychCare
So of course it’s not comfortable when others don’t agree with us. It goes against our very nature.
You’re going to have to take accountability and you may disappoint some people.
This may sound relatively easy in the case of disappointing people you don’t know but what happens if the person if a member of your close circle, family or your spouse? Disappointment or criticism from others results in feelings of disconnection which is why it’s not the popular choice when it comes to decision making. Often it’s easier and less painful to take the road ‘more travelled’.
So how does this result in more joy?
Given that I’m in the midst of moving, I can’t say entirely but I can share the sense of internal peace I feel at having made the right decision for me which is a joy unto itself. I cannot comment on the outcome of the decision as it may turn out to be a mistake with yet more learnings but for now, based on my values, it feels right. It’s a strange kind of joy; choosing courage over comfort. It’s tough, boy is it tough. I won’t lie. It may be tough but it’s joy-filled judging purely from the sense of internal peace.
How to Make Decisions Others Don’t Agree With
1. Accept that it’s going to be hard
This is the messy reality of authentic decision-making. When we choose paths that are different from others’ expectations or societal norms, we inadvertently hold up a mirror that can make others uncomfortable. Their discomfort often manifests as judgment, well-intentioned advice, or pressure to conform.
The truth is that if, and here I’m going to touch on my video regarding joy, you’re going to approach your life with authenticity, it’s not going to always be easy. It’ll result, most likely and ultimately in more joy, but it won’t be easy.
Having made the decision has left me with alot more empathy for others. The truth is that we each have to walk our own road and sometimes it isn’t easy to understand the decisions of others but ultimately we have to trust that each person not only knows what’s best for themselves but is also doing the very best that they can.
That’s adulting for you.
2. Follow Your Heart, Trust Your Gut and Use Your Head
This is an entire blog on it’s own BUT the bottom line common thread here is YOU do YOU!
3. Know that there’s NO Wrong Decision
Someone once told you make a decision and go with it. If it’s wrong, then you make it right.
And F(#! what the world thinks!
And a few extra tips:
- Separate others’ fears from your reality – fear is catchy so be careful what you take on.
- Don’t compromise your values.
- You’ve GOT THIS! Back yourself.
I’d love to hear your stories on tough decisions you’ve faced, so please feel free to comment or share on social.
Wishing you a real, joy filled week!
