We’re all trying to get what we want, whether we admit it or not. Everybody wants success, whether they admit it or not in some or other area of their lives.
I’ve been around for some 40+ years, so let’s just say a long time, and after many rodeos, here’s the formula.
But first 👆! Here’s my pinch of salt. 🧂
It’s weird to say the least, for me to be writing this now because it’s been a really tough time of late. But in the end, I think when we’re suffering, it’s probably the time we learn the most, and so here’s hoping that some of my learning results in something positive for you.
7 Steps to getting what you want
I feel like this is a little bit of a dangerous post because I don’t believe life is simply about getting what you want. In my perspective, its more about uncovering who you really are (authenticity) and opening up to joy.
But perhaps our desires and what we want help us do just that.
I’ve lived some wild experiences. I’ve had my life saved by a stranger in India. I’ve cycled through Vietnam and Laos, I travelled through Asia on my own, I’ve learnt Spanish, I’ve lived in different countries, I’ve learnt to ride a motorbike… in many respects, I have lived to the full.
Each experience has unveiled something new for me and these 7 steps are partly the culmination of that
1. Admit what you want
What do you want? Do you know?
For some reason, sometimes it’s very difficult to admit what we want. Because of societal judgement, or even our own.
Perhaps because it goes against what our parents taught us.
But this, my friends, is the most important beginning of getting what you want.
And that is to know exactly what you are seeking.
2. Call it in from your heart
One of the most powerful leaders of our decisions is the heart. It cannot be relied upon 100%, which is why I love Christoffel’s Sneijders 3 Brains approach – but more about that another day.
Often we ignore our hearts, because we’re afraid that if we listen to them, we’ll get hurt but there’s nothing so powerful as the human heart.
It has the ability to love despite flaws and the ability to overcome many a difficult situation.
When you tune into what you heart is calling for, you’re in the next level.
Once you know what you want, tap into your heart by taking some time out to check if it’s aligned.
3. Take action
You’ve got to ask for what you want. If you want a job, you have to apply. If you want a partner, you have to be open to going on dates. If you want to learn a new language, you have to go to class or make new friends.
And the unpopular opinion I have here is that you can’t take that action without risk. You can’t have confidence without looking like a fool. Ask me, I know! 😊
It’s called getting out of your comfort zone. It probably means facing rejection of some sort. But you know what, if you dom’t try, you’ll never know.
And as my dad always said, if you don’t ask, you’ll never get.
4. Release your blocks to receiving it i.e. your issues
How many people do you know, would want more money in their lives but then can’t receive a compliment?
Once you’ve asked for something, you’ve got to be able to receive it. Sounds simple enough. But you’d be surprised.
All of us have issues. ALL of us! Some related to money and self-worth. Some people build walls so they never have to feel. Some people have health challenges.
Every SINGLE person on this planet has challenges, whether you can see them or not.
The thing is that these issues are a calling to us; an invitation to get curious, to find out more about ourselves and to learn.
If you want what you’ve never had, you’re going to have to do what you’ve never done. And this means really facing some of those issues.
Not with judgment but with compassion and kindness.
Doing so will help you release whatever blocks you carry to receiving what you want.
My suggestion is to work with a psychologist, counsellor or therapist on this.
5. Visualize
Okay, you know what you want, you’ve taken action and you’re releasing your blocks to receiving it.
Now what?
Can you see it? When you close your eyes, do you have a sense of it? How does it feel? What does the picture look like?
Michael Phelps was famous for doing this before his Olympic Gold Medal win and it’s a daily habit for many sporting professionals.
So why shouldn’t we do it? It works!
My favorite thing to do is practice this as I fall asleep but maybe this is more of a morning activity for you.
6. Surrender
Okay you’ve done everything! Great! Now what?
Surrender.
What Lisa?
Yup, surrender.
That means, let it go. Maybe you just forget about it by doing another activity or maybe you surrender it to a higher force, depending on your beliefs. For the purposes of this blog and the many people that read it, I’m going to keep it practical.
Let me take a practical example to explain.
Let’s say you’ve started a business. It’s been your lifelong dream. You’re quite far in, you’ve got clients, things are working… but you’re also working 24-7 trying to keep the dream alive.
This doesn’t work. It just leads to burnout.
Or let’s say you lost your job and you’re applying for new jobs. And you’ve been at it non-stop. You need to take a break.
But Lisa, how do I take a break when I’ve got no money in the bank?
I know, trust me I know. But just for 10 minutes let go. Go and sit in the sun, take a breath, hug a friend, drink a coffee… whatever that thing is that makes you happy. Go do that.
You can always come back in half an hour. Who knows, you may even come back with some new ideas and energy.
7. Measure and adjust accordingly
Okay, you’ve been at your new business a year now and you’re not making any money. Or you’ve been wanting a new relationship but things never last past 3 months. Or perhaps you’ve been applying to the same university and keep getting a no.
Or whatever.
Something needs to shift.
Because I don’t know you and your unique situation, I can’t say what.
I do know that sometimes getting what you want, especially if it’s a longtime dream, can take years. And sometimes you have to level up. You have to go for lessons, or you have to invest daily in learning or you have to learn a new skill.
But first, asses!
After you’ve taken action and given your efforts some time, it’s crucial to step back and evaluate your progress. This isn’t about harsh self-judgment, but about thoughtful assessment.
First, define what success looks like with specific metrics. If you’re building a business, track monthly revenue, client acquisition costs, and retention rates. For relationship goals, notice patterns in how long connections last or what specific issues keep arising. For career advancement, monitor application success rates, interview feedback, and skills development.
When the data shows you’re not progressing as hoped, it may be time to pivot. Ask yourself:
- What small wins have I achieved that indicate I’m on the right track?
- Which specific approaches aren’t working, and what alternatives could I try?
- Am I missing crucial skills or knowledge that would bridge the gap?
- Have I sought feedback from mentors or peers who’ve achieved similar goals?
Remember that most “overnight successes” took years of behind-the-scenes refinement. James Dyson created 5,126 prototypes before perfecting his vacuum cleaner. Sara Blakely was rejected by countless manufacturers before Spanx became a billion-dollar brand.
Be flexible
Things take time but I also know that sometimes we need to be a little bit more flexible in how things come to pass.
For example, you wanted X job, in X place, with X salary. Maybe you get an offer that scores 2 out of 3. That’s progress!
Don’t be so rigid as to turn something down because it doesn’t 100% fit the image you had in your head.
Don’t be afraid to adjust. Sometimes, like Google, you’re redirecting.
What happens when you don’t get what you want?
NOW comes the tough part.
At some point, we inevitably don’t get what we want. We just don’t because that’s life. Obstacles are sometimes the way. So what now?
It can lead to frustration and fear, or even anxiety.
Be gentle with yourself.
Allow the feelings
Sometimes you just need a little cry. Or to take your frustration to the gym and punch the boxing bag – it works for me.
If you’re feeling depressed, I can highly recommend exercise. Even if it’s just a little walk around your block, although Mother Nature is always the best remedy and can heal all hurt.
Why don’t we get what we want? 🤔
Before I dive in here, you should know, I know nothing! I’m a trainer counsellor and I’ve worked in marketing for many many years but when it comes to life, I can’t profess to know how it works.
I do know that sometimes we learn things though failure. Sometimes we go through challenges, and the only way out is through. Sometimes we’re learning essential life skills as we go through a challenge. And sometimes not.
I write this blog out of passion to share what I’ve learned through my own experiences and in my experience, are only 3 causes to not getting what you want?
1. Sh!t Happens
I’ve had many friends who’ve experienced terminal illness or had life-changing accidents.
Some people would say this is a soul lesson.
What a load of nonsense. Why do some people get so many challenges and others not? I don’t think any of us really know. How could we?
Sometimes you can do everything right and sh!t still happens.
Because that’s life. As Alanis Morissette’s song goes “Isn’t it ironic?”
An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay
It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?
It’s like rain on your wedding day
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take
And who would’ve thought, it figures…
Isn’t it ironic?
It is indeed! Sometimes Sh!t happens and we don’t know why and the only way out is through.
2. It’s a timing thing
Every storm passes. Sometimes it takes years. But every storm eventually passes.
So if you’re not getting what you want, feel the feelings, have a good cry, make tweaks to your plan and keep going.
As my dear friend Katya says, sometimes you just need to take step by step and day by day.
3. It’s not for you
I love this phrase in Spanish.
What is for you is for you, even if you try to take it away. What is not for you, is not for you, even if you try with all your might.
It might break your heart but when the heart breaks, it also opens.
Helpful Hints: You can’t always get what you want
Let go of blame
You’ve been trying and trying and have been doing these 7 steps faithfully and still nothing is happening.
Be kind to yourself.
Don’t make things harder by beating yourself up.
If you’re doing your best, that’s enough. That’s enough.
Count the gap, not the gain
How many people do I know who would wish to run again, or have the simple pleasure of sun tanning on the beach? I have many friends who have health challenges which prevent them from doing these things.
And sometimes I forget how absolutely lucky I am to have all that I have in my life, even in the midst of struggle.
Sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to be grateful and to be happy with where I am and what I’ve achieved.
It is a hard one for me because I have a lot of goals. I’m continuously aiming higher. I want to achieve more. But sometimes it’s good to pause and count the gap, not the gain (this is an actual book, by the way).
What small steps have you made? Just in the struggle? You’ve probably done things that a few months ago or years ago, you would’ve thought impossible.
Take time to make a list of how far you’ve come so you’re not always focusing on how far you have to go.
Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck
Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck!
What if this very challenge of not getting what you want will unlock a level of being in you that you never thought possible?
Or take you in a different direction?
I can look back at times in my life where I so desperately wanted something that never happened. And now I think THANK GOODNESS!
Thank goodness that job never worked out for me. Thank goodness that relationship ended. Thank goodness that person ghosted me.
Thank goodness…
What if not getting what you want is just a blessing currently in disguise?
I hope this article helps you in some or other way. Drop me a line and let me know.
